Well I guess you need a thesis. xD
You put a lot of your own experiences but I think you could use evidence from Feed or the bad technology is good for you, the long excerpt. Since you are saying that technology seems to be a friend of yours on the first two paragraphs, I thought maybe that is a good evidence that you can find. Like watching the television to figure out what they are feeling by their expressions and reactions/actions. Then you said technology help you love to help others, which connects to the game part and the Internet part because people write game guides and help each other to get to the next level.
For your third paragraph, you start going off the topic from the first two, and I'm not sure what you want to say here mainly because there are a lot of points that you are talking out. You seem to say that technology is good because it gives a lot of information but then it might be too much for a kid to handle too much information at a time. I think you can find something that talks about how technology ruins our brain cells or how much of the other things that kids sees even though they are not trying to find it (like porn ads/inappropriate ads).
You said that technology is an entertainment and you use it to read people, it is like in the excerpt how we can read peoples movements if we play the game over and over again. And like the television, because we have imprinted their expressions and what the knowledge that we learn from the shows (from online, I'm the same too since I don't really watch television at home, I'm more on the computer) that we are able to interpret and predict what we want much more easier.
I think you are giving out great points and there is a lot of things that you want to say but I thought you could have narrow it down to something that connects all the paragraphs. Because I kind of read your paragraphs that each paragraphs sort of talks about different things but there are some that connects. You talk how technology affects you but what do you think how it affect the other kids. I thought your thesis can be more of a general thesis of how it is because it seems you are providing a lot of yours life. You said you are the odd one out, how would that be different than the "normal ones"? Truthfully I keep reading your paragraphs and feel as if you are sad or in sorrow when you write out about your lifestyle. You want to help people from their pain but you also seem to have pain yourself. (This is just my opinion).
To Yu Xi:
note: posting this comment before the third argument was added and will add later when the 3rd argument comes
I thought your thesis was very interesting but I thought you could tighten it more, because I keep feeling of being cut off when I read it (I think its my stupidity that made me not get it).
After reading your outline, I don't really see much that I can help with. It's a really good outline and your resources looks good. I think maybe adding more of your own experiences to the first two arguments because I think basically a lot of what we are learning right now through Andy and other people is from us, the students and particularly ourselves. I also think if you want to use it as your evidence since you have a lot already is Feed. Because a lot of what you are saying is connected to Feed since the teenagers and the majority of people in the book is being dependent on the Feed. They go to the Feed when they want to buy something; they go to the Feed when they are in need of something; they go to Feed to help them do homework.
I think you can explain more of the wall street and economic stuff (continuing what you are writing from your second argument).
Yes I agree with the "I'm bored" statement but I feel that from what you wrote there is not really connecting to your thesis. I think being bored doesn't count as being dependent. Or maybe it can be because we are dependent on the technology, we just need to wait for it to happen and that period of waiting is what makes us bored or something.
I also wonder why people say something that they do as well. I think we contradict ourselves a lot despite we do the same actions and I think that is because what we are doing like technology can never leave us.
I'll be waiting for your third argument =D.
I thought your thesis was very interesting but I thought you could tighten it more, because I keep feeling of being cut off when I read it (I think its my stupidity that made me not get it).
After reading your outline, I don't really see much that I can help with. It's a really good outline and your resources looks good. I think maybe adding more of your own experiences to the first two arguments because I think basically a lot of what we are learning right now through Andy and other people is from us, the students and particularly ourselves. I also think if you want to use it as your evidence since you have a lot already is Feed. Because a lot of what you are saying is connected to Feed since the teenagers and the majority of people in the book is being dependent on the Feed. They go to the Feed when they want to buy something; they go to the Feed when they are in need of something; they go to Feed to help them do homework.
I think you can explain more of the wall street and economic stuff (continuing what you are writing from your second argument).
Yes I agree with the "I'm bored" statement but I feel that from what you wrote there is not really connecting to your thesis. I think being bored doesn't count as being dependent. Or maybe it can be because we are dependent on the technology, we just need to wait for it to happen and that period of waiting is what makes us bored or something.
I also wonder why people say something that they do as well. I think we contradict ourselves a lot despite we do the same actions and I think that is because what we are doing like technology can never leave us.
I'll be waiting for your third argument =D.
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