I think your paper is very interesting and wonderful with a lot of evidences that you've shown. ^-^ great job!
Now you're just missing your introduction, conclusion, connections, significance, and opv. I thought you can find how finding dates online can be a lie because its dangerous to meet outside of somebody you meet online. That is what my mom said. =x.
I think your last paragraph can be split in two. I'm not too sure. I'm rather confuse of what I'm writing in my paper =.=.
But anyways, ganbatte!! Fightin'! Your paper is very good
Now you're just missing your introduction, conclusion, connections, significance, and opv. I thought you can find how finding dates online can be a lie because its dangerous to meet outside of somebody you meet online. That is what my mom said. =x.
I think your last paragraph can be split in two. I'm not too sure. I'm rather confuse of what I'm writing in my paper =.=.
But anyways, ganbatte!! Fightin'! Your paper is very good
Peer Grading:
point of view: 3.5/4
Evidence: 3/4
Connections: 2.5/4 (Sorry, because you didn't label where the connections are so I'm just using your whole paper as a connection thing)
Significance: 2.5 (I'm not sure where is the significance, but I thought the conclusion is with the significance so yea...o.o...but interesting conclusion - we're going to become cyborgs or something xD)
Organization: 3/4
Opposing point of view: --- (need...)
Communication: 3/4
Total: 17.5
if you fixed anything, I'll regrade it =3...Fightin'! Yu Xi!
point of view: 3.5/4
Evidence: 3/4
Connections: 2.5/4 (Sorry, because you didn't label where the connections are so I'm just using your whole paper as a connection thing)
Significance: 2.5 (I'm not sure where is the significance, but I thought the conclusion is with the significance so yea...o.o...but interesting conclusion - we're going to become cyborgs or something xD)
Organization: 3/4
Opposing point of view: --- (need...)
Communication: 3/4
Total: 17.5
if you fixed anything, I'll regrade it =3...Fightin'! Yu Xi!
To Na Lin:
Hi Na Lin~~~
Interesting paper Na Lin! =D
Hmmm....I know that you are supporting how digital is a great use but I don't really see where your thesis is (bold it...)....
I like how you said "technology is a big bulletin board with advertisement on it" but maybe you can support how advertisement is good for people...well some of the advertisements.
You talk a lot about gaming and the internet and cell phones, maybe you can give examples to the games and sites that you go that gives you a live or a different experience than the what you are doing.
Like I suggest before, use the Everything Bad is Good for You by Steven Johnson because it will help your paper be proof more.
As for the peer grading, I'm not going to do that since you seem to be still adding on to it. I'll help if you need any helping to do (xD).
^-^ hope to see your wonderful ideas to be published fully~
Interesting paper Na Lin! =D
Hmmm....I know that you are supporting how digital is a great use but I don't really see where your thesis is (bold it...)....
I like how you said "technology is a big bulletin board with advertisement on it" but maybe you can support how advertisement is good for people...well some of the advertisements.
You talk a lot about gaming and the internet and cell phones, maybe you can give examples to the games and sites that you go that gives you a live or a different experience than the what you are doing.
Like I suggest before, use the Everything Bad is Good for You by Steven Johnson because it will help your paper be proof more.
As for the peer grading, I'm not going to do that since you seem to be still adding on to it. I'll help if you need any helping to do (xD).
^-^ hope to see your wonderful ideas to be published fully~
To Vincent:
Hi Vincent,
I like your introduction a lot. You gave out a lot of feelings there. But yea, like Carrie said, maybe clarify what kind of sufferings. Are we the one that is choosing to do the suffering?
I think you could add more evidence to what you are saying. And a lot of what you said is that humans are like devices but we are also being controlled by other humans then by the digital and in a cycle. Is that the suffering? or?
I agree with you that the world is a mess and we are the ones that are either creating a bad life or a good life with each other. And that we should be true to ourselves (I think thats what you are saying at the end of the paragraph, which was a very influencing paragraph).
I think you have all your points in but I think you need opposing point of view (like what Carrie said too).
You are writing a very interesting and intriguing paper but work hard! Fightin'!
As for the peer grading (I'm just going to copy Carrie's list):
point of view: 3/4
Evidence: 2.5/4 (need more quotes...>.<...)
I like your introduction a lot. You gave out a lot of feelings there. But yea, like Carrie said, maybe clarify what kind of sufferings. Are we the one that is choosing to do the suffering?
I think you could add more evidence to what you are saying. And a lot of what you said is that humans are like devices but we are also being controlled by other humans then by the digital and in a cycle. Is that the suffering? or?
I agree with you that the world is a mess and we are the ones that are either creating a bad life or a good life with each other. And that we should be true to ourselves (I think thats what you are saying at the end of the paragraph, which was a very influencing paragraph).
I think you have all your points in but I think you need opposing point of view (like what Carrie said too).
You are writing a very interesting and intriguing paper but work hard! Fightin'!
As for the peer grading (I'm just going to copy Carrie's list):
point of view: 3/4
Evidence: 2.5/4 (need more quotes...>.<...)
Connections: 2/4 (scary connections but find evidence to back it up o.o)
Significance: 2.5/4 (same...scary, and needs evidence)
Organization: 2/4 (label like what Andy said...o.o....)
Opposing point of view: ---- (add!) Communication: 3/4 Total: 15
Fightin'! on your final draft~ x3
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